i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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