So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
