I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
