from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
