when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
