pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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