you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
