My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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