No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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