I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we're so committed to being not committed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
