wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
