She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
