no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
