you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
