that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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