He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
