I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
