I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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