these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
