ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
