my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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