Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize