just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
