When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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