Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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