Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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