She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sarcasm needs its own font
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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