I am spending my child support on dildos
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
