I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The best revenge is premature balding
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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