Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone came in the potted fern
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize