My nipple is on Facebook.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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