u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
