i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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