You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
