would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
