On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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