that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
