So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
