***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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