If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
