just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize