If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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