And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
