It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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