I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
