Do vagina's smell?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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