The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
