My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
