Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God, I missed his penis.
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