I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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