wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
