I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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