dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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