I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize