Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
