I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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