i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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