who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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