I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
