when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
