Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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