his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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