I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
