saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
