a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
