just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize