I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
