I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
