we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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