I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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