look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
