so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
