God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
