I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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