I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
