dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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