Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
