it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize