ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
