so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
