Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish I only lived at night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
