I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
