listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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