i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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