im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
