Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
