pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
