there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
