I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
