i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
