I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
