thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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