Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
