her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
