I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
