And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
