I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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