You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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