Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
