you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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