the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i now understand why vodka
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize