I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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