She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
