Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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