dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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