When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
