the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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