I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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