i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
