i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
